Derekitis
by of self
Summary: In which Edwin and Lizzie discover a mysterious disease called Derekitis, shoot a webisode about it, open up a can of worms, stage an intervention and play matchmaker for Casey and help someone come out of the closet. Edwin/Lizzie. Derek/Casey. AU-ish.


This has got to be the most monstrous one-shot I have ever written. I got the idea when I was doing the dishes and it was initially supposed to be divided into five sections and not that long and from Casey's POV. But that didn't happen and after the first two pages it snowballed out of control. Anyhow this would basically be a AU crack-fic because I have shown a wonderful disregard for canon and taken _a lot_ of creative liberties.

Disclaimer - I don't own LwD or Firefly or Lance Bass or YouTube or Milkshake by Kelis or Tweedledee and Tweedledum from Alice in Wonderland or CFL lamps or Han Solo from Star Wars. However the diseases Derekitis and Caseyitis, the band The Pretty Boys and the show The Ed and Liz show are inventions of mine.

* * *

"And… action!" Edwin said as he focused the handy cam on Lizzie.

"Welcome to the Ed and Liz show. Today we have a special segment that focuses on a mysterious disease which exists only in J.S. Thompson High. We are going to explore the symptoms of the disease we like to call Derekitis and in order to give you a clearer picture, we speak to some past and present sufferers." Lizzie said earnestly as Edwin gave her a thumbs up and mouthed stop. He then pressed the stop button. Lizzie came and stood next and eagerly watched as Edwin re-played the scene he had just shot.

"This is going to be so awesome," she said, her eyes shining.

"We are going to revolutionize the world of web-shows!" Edwin agreed, enthusiastically nodding. Liz smiled happily.

/

What had started out as a result of utter boredom had turned into an all-consuming hobby. Their parents weren't too happy that their two middle children were either in front of a camera or behind a camera in all of their spare time but since their grades remained as high as ever, they had no cause to complain.

Recently both of them decided they needed something familiar but something sensational to showcase. And something that the whole of J.S Thompson High could appreciate.

They both hit up on the same idea at the same time.

_Derek_.

Everyone at school knew Derek. He was legendary and even the kids in kindergarten knew who he was. And Derek was also sensational. Everyone adored him and everything done by him was news, providing fodder for lunchtime and water fountain gossip.

But soon enough they hit a road bump, a big one at that. Edwin pointed out that they couldn't very well go around filming Derek. Derek would hang him upside down from the balustrade in punishment and then probably put meat in Liz's salad as retaliation because she was a girl and it went against Derek's male code to make act violently towards a girl.

In short he would make mincemeat, or in Lizzie's case, chopped vegetables of them.

Lizzie nodded thoughtfully. But then something else struck her. The spell which Derek cast on women of all ages, which made them act in a manner which could not be categorized as normal human behavior.

Edwin's eyes gleamed, " Liz, you are a genius," he said giving her a kiss on a cheek which made Lizzie blush and Edwin color and cast them both into delightful awkwardness for a while.

"Let's call it Derekitis," Edwin said thoughtfully and Lizzie nodded not able to fully look at him as yet, her cheek still tingling.

/

Edwin held up the handy cam and gave Lizzie the go ahead, while Emily and Sam looked on amused. Emily and Sam were facing the camera, while Lizzie was sitting adjacent to them.

"What exactly is Derekitis? Well me and my friend here Edwin, we have found that Derekitis is a sickness that is caused by falling in love with or crushing on Derek Venturi. We have no doubt that most of you in Ontario may know him. Or you may know him as J.S. Thompson High's star hockey player. Or you may just know him as Derek Venturi, heartbreaker and lady killer. Yes, what I'm telling you right now is the gospel truth. The spell that Derek casts over so many innocent and not so innocent ladies is called Derekitis. The symptoms of course vary from person to person." At this point of time, Lizzie turned towards Emily and Sam and Edwin panned the camera slightly to show, Lizzie, Emily and Sam.

Today our first guest is Emily Davis, a past survivor of Derekitis. Emily is an eighteen year old senior at J.S. Thompson High, who in her spare time runs the French club and teaches young girls that less make-up is always more. How do you do Emily?" Lizzie said politely as Emily and Sam tried to bite back a laugh. Edwin and Lizzie looked so serious, as if they were exposing a high level political scandal.

"I'm good Lizzie." Emily said smiling. Derekitis, that was a nice name for her old Derek obsession.

So, Emily. It's common knowledge that once upon a time, you suffered from Derekitis, a disease which most of girls in J.S. Thompson High have experienced at least once in their life. What were the symptoms exhibited by you?" Liz asked.

"Er…I…okay, I had an obsessive crush on him. I used to follow up on his whereabouts obsessively," Emily flushed hotly before continuing, "And I er…had a shrine dedicated exclusively to him." Emily's face was flaming right now and Sam looked a little worried. He had never really known the extent of Emily's crush on Derek.

"Is that all or is there some more?" Liz asked her eyes twinkling because of the wealth of information that Emily had revealed here. Emily would be the parameter for judging all the other girls.

"That's all. After Sheldon came on the scene, Derek totally disappeared. I think I crushed on him because he fulfilled all of my adolescent fantasies. Sheldon made me realize that's there was more to life than Derek and Sam here completely drove him from my mind." Emily said thoughtfully and Sam's face which had been a picture of abject despair until now, noticeably perked up.

"It's my view here that you didn't get as bad Emily," Liz said thoughtfully. Emily had a promising start but the ending was relatively tame. Well from here on they could take it progression wise. Lightly affected, badly affected and then the worst of all, the girls who had been so badly affected that they would never recover. Oh this was going to be so good.

"Thank you for your time Emily. There you have it viewers, that was your first look at a sufferer of Derekitis. Emily Davis." Liz said as Edwin mouthed cut and pressed the stop button.

"You know Emily; you're not that creepy anymore." Edwin said as he snapped the handy cam shut.

"Thanks Ed; I'll take that as a compliment." Emily said grinning. Sam wound his arm around her and placed a kiss in her hair.

"Can I have a shrine?" Sam asked.

"You are joking right?" Emily asked, looking up at Sam who was grinning wickedly.

"Come on Liz, we need to do some editing," Edwin said as he picked up the tripod. Liz nodded and they got away just in time. Because Emily and Sam had a weird look in their eyes that signaled a massive make out session, coming right up. And they didn't really feel like seeing one now.

"You know, I had a crush on Emily when I was younger," Edwin said cautiously. He wanted to put it out there and see how Liz reacted.

"You still have it?" Liz asked, her eyes glinting a tad dangerously. Edwin grinned and shook his head in response. Liz visibly relaxed and both of them went home smiling little smiles of happiness.

/

"That is Amy Ruebens?" Lizzie asked looking disdainfully at a girl who was dressed in cheer uniform and flipping her very blonde hair all over the place while talking to some jock who looked suspiciously orange. They were sitting on the bleachers where there were not much people hanging around.

"Yep, that's her and I think that's Max, Casey's ex-boyfriend. I think we have a legit goldmine in front of us." Edwin said grinning.

"I don't like her, she's so fake," Lizzie said wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"Come on Liz, for the sake of the show," Edwin said smiling at her and dimpling. Lizzie felt her self smiling widely and knew she was sold. Damn those dimples. They got her every single time.

Lizzie and Edwin walked up to her and while Edwin set up the handy cam on the tripod, Lizzie explained her purpose. Amy was only too happy to talk to the camera. By revealing her crush on Derek, she would be annoying Max, who still hadn't fully gotten over that annoying keener step-sister of Derek's. Oh yeah, she would make him so jealous, that his brain would hurt.

"Our second guest today is Amy Ruebens, Head Cheerleader at J.S. Thompson High, her hobbies are cheer-leading, shopping and uh…more shopping," Lizzie said looking slightly confused. How anyone could like more shopping was so beyond her. But she was here to do her job.

"So Amy, through the grapevine we came to know you once had a crush on Derek Venturi, therefore suffering from a sickness called Derekitis. Tell us about your experience with the disease." Lizzie said, sitting down next to Amy and holding a mic up to her.

"Derekitis? That sounds so ew, whatevs. Anyways, yeah, I had a crush on Derek back in the tenth grade. He is- I mean was simply amazing. You know, he has like these deep brown eyes and God does he have such a sexy voice and an even sexier smirk," at this point of time, Amy's voice took on a dreamy quality and Max was looking purple with anger and Lizzie was having a hard time holding back her laughter as was Edwin.

"He made my knees so weak," Amy continued and Lizzie stifled a giggle while Edwing began laughing outright. Max was now mumbling incoherently but from certain words which could be caught, like strangle Derek, murder, idiot, it did not seem like he was taking Amy's revelation very well.

" You know, I actually recorded his voice and sometimes when I'd feel _lonely_, I'd listen to it, it made me feel-" and there she abruptly stopped realizing that she was giving away too much and she had been on the verge of revealing something a little too personal.

"I'm done. That's it," she said getting up and walking away while Max followed, now looking an orangey purple, not a very good color for him and still incoherently voicing his displeasure.

Edwin and Lizzie stared at each other for a few moments before bursting into laughter. It was like they had opened up a can of worms but it had been worth it. From what Casey had told them, Amy had been a bitch and from what Derek had told them, Max had as much of a brain as Ralph but at least Ralph was entertaining and could be quite intelligent when he wanted to.

"I have adequate reason to believe that Amy Rubens was and still is a sufferer of Derekitis. Unfortunately there's no hope for her unless her boyfriend Max decides to get his act together and be a good boyfriend. We hope that one day she'll be able to live a Derekitis free life. Until then, she will be in our payers." Lizzie said staring into the camera with a serious face before moving away and once more bursting into laughter.

"That was gold Liz, pure gold," Edwin managed to get out during his laughing fit which had him hunched over and clutching his stomach.

"You do realize we can't put this up right?" Lizzie said immediately sobering up when she realized that putting it up would be an invasion of privacy.

"Yeah, I know. But we could edit out that part right?" Edwin said hopefully, his laughing fit over.

"I guess we could but let's keep it till the end and see what the other's come up with," Lizzie said thoughtfully as she went over the possibilities.

"That's a good idea. Come on, up next is Kendra," Edwin said as he lifted up the tripod.

"That ought to be fun," Lizzie said as she joined him, carrying microphone and a speaker box.

Edwin and Lizzie had always been immensely amused by Kendra. She made Derek extremely uncomfortable with all her pet names for him and both of them loved watching Derek squirm with embarrassment and also try to avoid her constant public displays of affection.

This was turning out to be the best episode they had ever shot.

/

Edwin and Lizzie found Kendra almost immediately; she was sitting on the school steps, checking her make-up while being watched by an adoring Ralph. Edwin and Lizzie did a double take at the sight of Ralph. Ralph and Kendra were going out together?

Both of them stared stunned at each other. But Ralph and Kendra had nothing in common at all.

Both of them walked up to Kendra and Lizzie explained what they were doing. Kendra was only too enthusiastic to participate. And as it turned out so was Ralph. That posed a little bit of a problem.

"No Ralph, the interview is only for people who fell in love with Derek or crushed on him," Edwin explained patiently.

"But I love Derek too, so technically I can be interviewed too today," Ralph said earnestly and Lizzie noted with a sigh that he had a valid point even if the logic was a little skewered. Edwin wearily rubbed his neck.

He as a rule liked Ralph because what was not to like about Ralph. He was nice, easy going and most of all he was genuinely interested in whatever Edwin had to say and he didn't treat him in the abrupt manner that younger brothers were usually subjected too.

"Ralphie my man, you are not gay right?" Edwin asked patiently still.

"No Ed, I'm as straight as they come," Ralph said looking a little confused. He didn't understand why his sexuality came into play for the interview. Did they only interview gay people or something like that? That was so not righteous. It was discrimination.

Sensing another onslaught of Ralph's special brand of questions, Edwin hastily answered.

"There you go. We're talking to people who were and are in love with Derek. You love Derek in a brotherly way so I'm afraid your interview wont count. That's why we won't be interviewing you." Finally understanding Ralph nodded his acquiescence.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Edwin set up the handy cam while, Lizzie adjusted the microphone and the speaker box. Liz then smoothed her hair and sat down next to Kendra. Edwin having finished setting up turned the handy cam and mouthed action to Lizzie.

"Today's third guest is Kendra Somers. She too was once upon a time a sufferer of Derekitis. And let us see what she has to say now. Hello Kendra, welcome to the Ed and Liz show. Why don't you tell us about your past history with Derek and what were the symptoms that you displayed when being in love with Derek?" Lizzie held the microphone towards Kendra and Kendra after patting her hair one last time began speaking.

"When I first met Derrie-poo," Edwin and Lizzie giggled, "I was a few months older than him but he was completely smitten with me and he chased me until I finally agreed to date him. But after that it was the other way round. Derek was never fond of kissing me in front of people and he didn't even appreciate the lovely nicknames I gave him," Kendra looked very outraged at this and Edwin and Lizzie had to bite back the laughter that was threatening to come bubbling out. Kendra's nicknames would make any male feel like he had been neutered and that too without general anesthesia.

She continued, warming up to her subject, "At first it was fine but then it became irritating. I was so focused on Derek that I began to lose interest in shopping, make-up and most of all matchmaking." At this point of time Kendra looked genuinely horrified. She was a born matchmaker and the fact that Derek had so consumed her life that she couldn't even match-make was still something that haunted her to this date.

"And that's when I knew," she said taking a dramatic pause," that it had become too much. I was going to break up with him but then he broke up with me. I tried to stay strong but it was almost like Derek was an addiction, I tried getting back with him, which was really foolish of me but that's when Ralphie, my love monkey came in. He saved me and now I have successfully got over my crush on Derek. All thanks to my Ralphie baby." Kendra said with an impressive flourish of her hands. She then looked at Ralph adoringly and he looked back at her and Lizzie really wanted to go, 'aw'.

Seriously, despite the utter cheesiness of Kendra's interview, she and Ralph looked adorable together. And it was evident that both of them really did like each other.

"There you go, that was Kendra Somers and I'm proud to say that she is a survivor of Derekitis. Thanks for your time Kendra; I hope you and Ralph have plenty of good times together." Lizzie said smiling widely.

"Thank you Lizzie," Kendra said graciously before turning her attention to Ralph once more.

Edwin didn't even have to mouth cut this time, Lizzie finished everything on her own. He shut the handy cam and picked up the tripod and Lizzie picked up the portable microphone set and after waving to Ralph and Kendra, they set off.

Not once did they catch Derek or Casey at school. And they were glad that they themselves didn't have school. That was one of the perks of being juniors. Your holidays came before the seniors.

"I like those two, they are rather cute together," Lizzie said as she linked her arm through Edwin's.

"I like them too. They seem pretty happy together."

"Oh by the way, Ed, I got some news this morning. Guess who else suffers from Derekitis?" Liz said, a wicked grin dancing on her face as she just remembered something.

"Who?" Edwin asked confused.

"It's someone who we knew," Lizzie said here eyes know shining.

"I still don't know," Edwin said getting all the more confused.

"Fine, I'll tell you. Truman." Lizzie said her eyes sparkling.

"Truman?" Edwin turned to Lizzie slack-jawed. Truman was in love with Derek? Edwin couldn't believe it. From what he had seen, Truman seemed to be every inch the player. Rating girls, breaking up with them, having girlfriends and then cheating on them. Did he do all of that because he was in denial of his sexuality? And whenever did this coming out thing happen?

He had a sudden picture of Truman singing, '_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like it's better than yours. Damn right it's better than yours,_'. It was an odd and disturbing image.

"Yeah, Truman. He totally had the hots for Derek," Lizzie said very pleased with the news. Everyone in their family disliked Truman, especially Derek. And everyone was glad that Casey had finally broken it off with him. Goodness only knows what she had been thinking dating a scumbag like him.

"But when did he come out of the closet?" Edwin asked as he tried to come to terms with the fact that Truman was gay. What made it difficult to believe this was that Truman had always been…he searched around a bit in his head before settling on a comparison…Truman had always seemed so much like Derek, except Derek actually was smooth and suave while Truman came off as _a little too_ smarmy, trying _a little too_ hard, being _a little too_ effortless. And there was also the fact that despite Derek's skirt-chasing proclivities, he tried not to hurt the girls he dated, while Truman pretty much breezed on ahead uncaring.

"It seems it was at a party, where he got _so_ pissed, he babbled every secret he ever held inside," Lizzie said, trying to imagine a very drunk Truman hanging onto some girl's neck and then telling her he was as straight as a bent stick. What a shock it must have been for that girl.

"And how do you know this? Edwin asked, Truman's secret finally sinking in.

Lizzie colored a little before answering, "You know Brenda right? Well, Brenda's sister's best friend's cousin's elder sister was going out with Truman. She found out and she told her younger sister who told her friend who in turn told Brenda's sister and who in turn told her."

Edwin's head spun a little. That was one very convoluted information channel. But didn't information always dilute on its way out?

"How do you know it's true? You know the grapevine is not always right." Edwin's logical side refused to believe that information hadn't diluted on its way out. It was the law of the grapevine, information on its way out or on its way in was different from what the sender or the receiver had originally intended it to be. Along the way, people added or subtracted bits, consciously or unconsciously.

Lizzie huffed her displeasure but answered anyways.

"She saw him sucking face with some guy." Edwin's mouth formed an o of surprise. Okay, he now believed the grapevine. They had been so caught up with Truman that they hadn't noticed that they had almost reached home.

"Fine, we'll talk to him tomorrow. For today we are done," Edwin said as they walked up to the porch.

"Cool. Hey there's a Firefly marathon happening on TV. Wanna join me?" Lizzie asked as she rang the doorbell.

"Sure, I'll make the popcorn you can melt the cheese for the nachos."

The door opened and Lizzie nodded at Edwin before walking in. She passed Nora and kissed her before going up to her bedroom. Edwin then entered and then after greeting Nora, he disappeared too before Nora could ask them anything.

Nora sighed. The kids were growing up so fast. She barely even got to talk to them nowadays. Well at least Marti still needed her. Feeling slightly cheered up, she went to find Marti and to see if she could entice her into joining her for an ice-cream jaunt.

/

Edwin and Lizzie stood before Casey's door each waiting for the other to knock. However neither of them was feeling brave and fortunately, Casey saved them the trouble by opening the door to find both of them staring earnestly at her. That threw her off because earnestness was not an easy commodity to come by in this household, except when it came down to the matter of explaining why some one needed to see some show on TV even though there was a paper due next day or why someone needed an increase in their allowance when their allowance had just been increased about a week or so ago. Earnestness was used all right, but for all the wrong reasons as Casey had quickly discovered. Not that she wasn't guilty of it either; she just didn't use it on a larger scale as someone else did. That someone being an obnoxious and incredibly charming teenage step-brother.

"Hey Casey," both of them chimed in unison. Casey came out of her obnoxious step brother reverie and was further thrown off. This was sort of like Tweedledee and Tweedledum except Edwin and Lizzie were not dumb by any stretch of imagination. Maybe they could be called Tweedleebree and Tweedlebrilliant. Realizing quickly that her thoughts were making no sense whatsoever, she strove to look cranky and annoyed. A very easy feat for since Derek made her practice that expression so much.

"What do you want?" she asked tersely.

"We want Truman's phone number and don't look so cranky, I know you were preening in front of the mirror, not doing anything important." Lizzie said serenely as she walked in and sat down on a chair. Edwin chuckled and followed her.

"No I was not, I was er…doing a dramatic reading," Casey said without an ounce of conviction. Lizzie grinned, Casey never could lie properly.

"And why do you need his number?" she demanded, quickly diverting their attention from her and her alleged preening.

"Because we want him to star in our show," Edwin said cautiously. He knew Truman was a sore subject for Casey.

"You have a show?" Casey asked dumbfounded. While she lay here in her room, vegetating away in the last few months of her high school life and hyperventilating about a crush on obnoxious and charming step-brother, Edwin and Lizzie were probably making showbiz history. She envied the ease with which they got along. And there was also something so cute in the way they were attached to each other's hips all of the time. They got along so well together unlike her and aforementioned obnoxious charm the pants off anyone step brother. She sighed at the thought of him. It seemed colossally unfair that she should nurse a humongous crush on her sworn enemy.

She remembered the first day she saw him. He opened his mouth and Casey had begun to drool. And then he declared war and she had to command her scattered forces and wage war with him. And ever since then it had been all hate. Though there were a few times, she could have bet her whole brain that there had been love, but obnoxiously charming step-brother, fine _Derek_, squashed that notion as soon as it came.

Casey would have dwelled some more on the unfortunate state of affairs of her heart except Edwin interrupted her.

"Um, Casey, if you give us the number we'll be out and uh, stop bothering you." He waved his arms in front of her for added effect.

"Uh sure," she scribbled a few numerals on a scrap of paper and shoved it into Edwin's outstretched arm before shooing them both out of the room.

"There you go, interview him, shoot your show and go live your happy little lives," she finished dramatically before shutting the door on them swiftly. Edwin and Lizzie looked at each other and sighed deeply. It had finally happened. Well, it had been four years in the making and they were actually surprised that she had stuck it out so long. Casey McDonald had finally cracked. Derek would be jumping for joy. He had finally achieved his goal in life.

Suddenly a metaphorical light bulb, the CFL kind, lit up over Lizzie's head. She gripped Edwin's arm tightly and forced him to come to a staggering halt.

"Ow! What did you do that for?" he complained, rubbing his arm, where Lizzie's fingers had left impression and who knows probably even bruises. He bruised very easily.

"Ed all this while, we knew the person who had the biggest case of Derekitis ever," Lizzie said her eyes gleaming with a fanatical light.

"Who?" Edwin asked still preoccupied with his arm.

"Casey, you dork!" Lizzie said smacking him upside on the head. Seriously, how was Edwin the most intelligent of them all? Sometime he had the brains of a flea.

"By Jove, you're right!" Edwin said faking a very bad Brit accent.

"Edwin?"

"Yeah?"

Don't do that again. Ever."

Edwin huffed and crossed his arms and nodded. Geez, what was so wrong with it? Girls, they sucked the fun out of everything sometimes.

/

They were sitting on the steps and mulling over the next course of action when who came up the stairs, the very man who the disease had been named after.

Derek skipped up the stairs cheerily and noticing Lizzie and Edwin sitting on the topmost steps, he immediately switched to an easy swagger. Appearances were everything, especially in front of younger siblings who tended to look at him with an analytical and dispassionate eye.

"Hey munchkins," he greeted them before barging into Casey's room. Edwin and Lizzie turned around their heads as fast as they could without cracking them and watched the door. Derek walked in and immediately after a moment or two was chased out by a very angry Casey, who threw a few pillows after him and added that he was an insensitive immature jerk who didn't deserve anyone ever and didn't even have the common courtesy of knocking before entering a girl's bedroom. She then shut the door on his face.

Derek's face dropped for a moment before picking up again because he knew Edwin and Lizzie. As stated before appearances were everything.

"She finally lost it," he said amicably and both of them nodded kindly, all the three of them knowing that he had fooled no one, not even himself. He then went to his room, playing the part of the swaggering hero, except the swagger was ruined by a slight touch of dejection.

"I believe someone has Caseyitis," Edwin said with the air of a know it all.

"Finally someone found their brain!" Lizzie said, throwing her hands up in relief.

"I do have my moments," Edwin said modestly. The dynamics of the Derek-Casey equation were complicated and he was glad to be a part of the elite club that understood them. Until now Lizzie had been an exclusive member of that club. Joining it made him feel immensely clever.

"And sorry to burst this bubble, but you do know that Casey will never admit to having Derekitis right?" Edwin said, the afterglow of his inclusion into the elite club of the dynamics of the Derek- Casey equation quickly fading.

"Which is why, we will have to stage an intervention," Lizzie said grimly, in that tone in which she usually forced him to eat his veggies. Edwin flinched a bit. Woman or in her case girl on a mission Lizzie was frightening.

/

Dinner was…awkward and mostly silent. The non-silent bits consisted of Nora valiantly trying to carry on a conversation with no one in particular before wilting under pressure and giving up before trying again. Edwin and Lizzie were deep in thought. Casey was stabbing violently stabbing at her food, probably berating herself for being so weak and having fallen under the evil spell of obnoxiously charming step-brother. Derek ate his food as usual except he kept stealing forlorn little glances at Casey confident that no one would notice because he was a master at the game of 'look but don't look'. He also winced every time Casey stabbed her meat or vegetables.

George was furiously calculating something in his head because Nora had forbidden him from asking Edwin to do his bills. As a result, he spent most of his free time trying to figure how he had to charge his clients for overtime and all of that and the strain was beginning to show even on his face which looked red and...concentrated.

Nora looked at everyone around feeling very overwrought. Her kids were making no sense to her. Did that make her a bad parent for not trying hard enough to understand them?

Only Marti seemed supremely unconcerned about anything and was serenely eating her dinner and occasionally throwing bits of her veggies under the table.

Ah, what a delight to be young and free.

/

After dinner Lizzie and congregated at the top of the stairs.

"I have a plan," Lizzie whispered confidentially into Edwin's ears.

"You do?" Edwin said blinking in surprise. Man, that was fast.

"Here's what we do, we go to Casey's room and you follow my lead," Lizzie said throwing suspicious looks around to see if anybody, specifically if Casey was eavesdropping.

"That's the plan?" Edwin asked doubtfully. Frankly speaking it didn't sound very much like a kick-ass plan.

"You have anything better?" Lizzie hissed and Edwin dutifully shook his head. He just had one last question though.

"Do we have a back-up plan?" He asked hopefully.

"Yeah, if the plan fails we run for our lives," Lizzie said darkly, implying that this was the kind of mission that was all or nothing. Edwin shrugged, well, at least it was practical.

Both of them walked into Casey's room and Lizzie sat down on her chair while Edwin sat down on a poufy cushion near the door. In his defense, if the plan failed, he'd be able to immediately bolt for safety.

They sat and waited in silence.

/

Casey came to her room after dinner to find it already occupied by her younger siblings. She was going to peremptorily turf them out when Lizzie held up her hand.

"We need to talk to you Casey. It's important." Lizzie said taking on a slightly pleading tone. Casey hesitated for a moment and then shut the door.

"What happened Liz? Something's bothering you?" she asked, switching into overprotective sister mode. She sat down on her bed and Lizzie sat down next to her.

"It's about you Casey," Lizzie said quietly. She was going to slowly ease Casey in so that Casey wouldn't freak. Well so that she wouldn't freak early on at least.

"Me?" Casey asked completely baffled. What was wrong with her?

"Casey, we know about your secret," Lizzie said gently.

"What secret?" Casey asked looking like a cornered rabbit. Did they know about the one time she got drunk? It was an accident. It wasn't supposed to happen. It had been dark and she had opened the fridge to get a soda. She didn't realize that she had picked up a beer and had drunk it anyways, not wondering much about the slightly bitter taste. It had been an accident. And she had even replaced the missing beer can which had caused her a lot of problems to smuggle in. No one had known. How was it that they knew? Oh my god, they were going to blackmail her! And she was sure Derek had a hand in it somewhere.

"You know, about your er…_disease_," Edwin ventured cautiously.

"I'm not an alcoholic! It was just one time! And that too it was a mistake. I swear I will never drink again, please don't tell mom!" Casey begged, her eyes widening, her breathing hurried and shallow. Oh my god, she was such a terrible example to her siblings. And she was supposed to be the sensible one. She would live with this crushing guilt for the rest of her life.

"What? No, Casey, we don't care if you drink. You are eighteen and an adult, you can do whatever you want. We came here to tell you that we know about you and Derek." Lizzie said a tad exasperated. Casey was such a drama queen sometimes. Edwin snickered but a look from Lizzie shut him up immediately. This was serious business. There was no laughter allowed, no matter how much Casey freaked and how funny it was.

"Me and Derek? Psh…there's_ nothing_ happening." Casey said trying to wave off the suggestion with nervous laughter.

"Please Casey, we _know_. I mean all those fights for no reasons, your utter dislike of all the girls he dates, and the constant things you do to save him. Seriously, we aren't all that blind y'know." Lizzie said with her hands on her hips. Really this should have been evident to everyone a long time ago. But somehow amongst all the chaos of their house, it had escaped notice.

"They're nothing," Casey said her lips quivering before she burst into tears. Edwin was horrified while Lizzie just hugged Casey and rubbed her back soothingly. It seemed like Lizzie was prepared for this eventually because she hushed Casey while Casey mumbled into her shoulder. Liz could understand everything while all he could make out was Derek, hate him, love him, mean, jerk, sexist pig, cruelty of gods, why me, unfairness of life. After a while Casey's sob turned into occasional hiccups. She dabbed at her eyes and sniffled. Edwin had thoughtfully placed a box of tissues next to her and she took a couple of them to swipe the tear tracks off her face.

"What do I do Liz?" Casey said sadly, like she had lost all of her can-do spirit.

"Simple, you tell him. And even if nothing happens, you'll at least get closure of some kind and stop dating Derek rip-offs like Truman," Casey was going to interrupt when Lizzie lifted up a had and stalled her, " I know, getting rejected will make you feel like shit but there's only so long you can feel like shit. You are Casey of the eternal optimism and all that jazz. Of course you'll bounce back." Lizzie said calmly. Casey stared at her in awe.

"You know what? I'm going to do that. But right after I fix my face. If I get rejected, I do want it to happen when I still pretty looking. Thanks Lizzie." And with that Casey took off to the bathroom.

Edwin looked at Lizzie with slack-jawed wonder.

"Where did that come from?"

"Half of it I prepared and half of it just came to me," Lizzie said grinning. She had no idea how it had come to her but having Casey who usually was so optimistic and full of beans always, pathetically ask her what to do made it all spew forth from god knows which area of her brain.

"I'm impressed. But I think I going to be even more impressed if it all works out." Edwin said rising from the cushion.

"So will I Ed, so will I." And for Casey's sake Lizzie hoped that it would all work out.

/

Feeling satisfied with the way she looked, Casey took a deep breath and marched into Derek's room only after politely knocking. She found Derek sprawled on the bed, listening to music.

Seeing her, Derek pulled the earplugs out of his ears and watched her closely. His gaze unnerved her and Casey swallowed once or twice before starting nervously.

"Derek, you are the most immature person I have ever known, you bug me till I want to break down, you make my life miserable, you are sexist and callous," Derek's face was growing ominously dark but Casey took another deep breath and continued, "You are selfish most of the times and you treat Edwin like dirt. In short you make me wish I never knew you." Casey stopped to gather some more courage which was quickly leaving her when Derek interrupted her.

"Finished with the rant?" he asked harshly, his eyes glinting with anger.

"No there's some more. Despite everything you do to annoy me and which should really make me hate you, _I love you Derek_, though I will never be able to understand why." Casey finished, her voice quavering. Derek's eyes widened in surprise. There was a short tense moment of silence which made Casey wonder if this was the rejection part and if she should bolt in order to save her dignity.

"If you should know, I share the same sentiments too," Derek said sitting up. Casey feeling a little week sat down on a chair. What exactly did he mean by sharing the same sentiments?

"You are a grade grubber. You want to please everyone, even if it's physically impossible. You keep putting yourself down and you are willing to change in order for people to respect to you. You have unrealistic expectations from your boyfriends," Casey squirmed in her seat but Derek just steamrollered ahead, "you play it safe all the time because you are so afraid that if you go one step out of line you might get hurt. You sometimes _do_ think that the world revolves around you and despite it all _I love you Casey_, even though for the life of me I can't figure out why." Casey's mouth hung open in shock.

In all honesty she hadn't been expecting that. And now she didn't know what to do.

"So what will it be, are you willing to take a chance? Because I'm far from perfect Casey and I can accept that but can you?" Derek asked grimly. He had just put himself out there by making the first move and he hoped against hope that Casey wouldn't reject him.

"Well I do love you so if you are willing to take a chance then so am I," Casey said shyly. Derek grinned in response. This was rather nice.

"Um, so does this mean we are girl friend and boyfriend now?" Casey asked a little worried. She needed confirmation that it was official, just for the peace of her mind. Derek got up from the bed and stalked up to her. He pulled her up and kissed her thoroughly.

"I believe that seals the deal," Derek said with a smug smile on his face. Before he could react Casey tackled him onto the bed. The move took Derek with surprise and his eyes gleamed with laughter. What followed was some action that could only be classified as PG-13 and above which no right minded parent would have allowed the child to watch.

Sometime later Lizzie and Edwin walked past the door only to find it closed and a few creaking sounds coming out of the room.

"I guess it worked," Lizzie said casually though she was jumping for joy on the inside.

"You are my newest idol. Even better than Han Solo," Edwin said gazing at Lizzie reverently.

"I have my moments," Lizzie said modestly before cracking up with laughter. Pretty soon Edwin to joined her and they went down stairs and spent the next few minutes rolling around on the couch as Nora watched with bemusement.

She _so_ needed to tune into the frequency where her kids existed.

/

A few weeks later, a new episode of the Ed and Liz show was uploaded onto YouTube. It sent shock-waves all over J.S. Thompson High because of the revelations it carried about Truman. Truman publicly outed himself on the video and stated that Derek Venturi was his first love. He was now happily settled in a relationship and would soon launch a debut pop album with his boy band The Pretty Boys. Casey's part never did make it to the video but there were a few others who suffered from Derekitis who came on the episode and soon enough Derekitis became the latest buzzword in the halls of J.S. Thompson High.

The web show made minor celebrities of Edwin and Lizzie and for their next show; they decided they were going to explore the link between homosexuality and boy bands. Lance Bass had stated that he would be interested in appearing after Edwin and Lizzie sent him an invite.

Casey and Derek were still together and though they had their fights, they followed it up with intense make-out session which upped the gag reflex of their family. They went off to college together and Edwin and Lizzie could only imagine the craziness that was going on there.

Sam and Emily moved to Texas where both of them were studying in the same college. Kendra went to beauty school and Ralph decided he wanted to be a children's nurse, of course they were happy too. Max and Amy broke up which pretty much everyone in school saw coming. Word on the grapevine was that Amy had moved to Toronto while Max still besieged her with calls that she wouldn't return. Yeah, they didn't get their happy ending.

Edwin asked finally asked Lizzie out much to her happiness and she accepted much to his happiness. Clearly the couple that shoots together stayed together.

Oh and much to her amazement _and_ happiness Nora finally tuned in.

* * *

If you want to batter me senseless I wouldn't blame you. :)

June 23, 2009- I say this with with a lot of *feeling*. This was a bitch to edit. If you find anymore mistakes, do let me know of them. :)


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